I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
