Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
