YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize