You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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