Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
