community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
