Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
