Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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