meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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