I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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