my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
