You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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