Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
3pm strippers are depressing
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I would ride that face into the sunset
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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