Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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