you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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