The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
