drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
