Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Drunk is not a location!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
