i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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