Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
