I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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