Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
