How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize