It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Less talking, more tequila
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
