Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
The maid of honor just puked.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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