She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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