my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
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