My friends, they love my intelligence
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
