he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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