Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
