I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
