i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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