I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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