We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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