I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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