i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
