Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
