I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
