Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
