I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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