If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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