Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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