what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
