Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
