just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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