If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
