i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
