Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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