i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize