So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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