Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
