I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
