i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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