he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
