if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
