Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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