god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
