Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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