problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He did a backflip because drugs
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
