We're like a lot better than the average bears
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
