we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize