do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
