I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize