I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
