2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
