Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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