I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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