I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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